I wish i was in the wii world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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