Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
