Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
