If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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