Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
