The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
