He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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