Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
