I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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