i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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