Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
