'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
