and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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