the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
