Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
