You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
