I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
