Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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