I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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