I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
