I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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