she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
