She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
