If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
