Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
two words...techno handjob
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
