Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sarcasm needs its own font
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
