i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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