He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
