I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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