Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
