So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize