Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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