I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bring money and cleavage
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize