Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
