so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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