maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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