Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
