I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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