You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
