I bet he comes in French.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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