I bet he comes in French.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
