I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
