Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
