My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You are a genius and a whore.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
