yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
