So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
