I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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