Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
