And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
