smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
