He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
