We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
