I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
