She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
