i don't like sucking hair
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
