I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
