the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
