At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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