you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
