She is in my trunk
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
