Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
