my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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