I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
