This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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