Everything about him screamed your future.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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