does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize