the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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